One time I was masturbating in the shower and came so hard that I couldn’t keep in my scream but I knew my brother was in the bedroom next door and that he’d hear and know what I was doing so I quickly transitioned into singing the opening of the Lion King.
things to say during sex
- gee whiz
- are you feeling it now mister krabs
- shark bait ooh ha ha
- lets win this for mother russia
- whats your gamertag
- getcha head in the game
- PULL THE LEVER KRONK
Adulthood doesn’t mean you stop drinking juice pouches and eating fruit snacks. It means buying your own.
and mixing them with vodka
At 3 in the morning while marathoning your favorite show because nobody can tell you to go to bed.
And then regretting your decisions the next morning.
Because you have to work.
and make more money to buy fruit snacks and juice pouches.
and your own vodka
i put my headphones into the microphone jack by accident and i was like “oops wrong hole” and i laughed for 78 minutes
stepping in a puddle while wearing socks
You know you’ve been on tumblr far too damn long when this gif actually represents a feeling you empathize with
All I want is to cuddle in bed with you, occasionally rub your back and run my hands through your hair and leave a trail of kisses on your neck and shoulders while we watch movies.